scottie's twin nightmare(s)

scottie had this irrational fear of sleeping alone... that seemed to only be understood by me. because he was the youngest sibling, my parents weren't as strict when it came to watching scary & somewhat inappropriate movies with the rest of the family, when he should probably have been playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtles instead. scott's ultimate 'love to be afraid' of films was the shining, which now watching it as an adult, is totally scary for any person in their right mind, let alone a 5 year old.  he was particularly terrified of the twin girl apparitions & wouldn't dare venture in any room, even if adjacent to the one that everyone was in, if he had to go there alone. & on top of that, my dad loved those television shows like unsolved mysteries, that had segments so horrifying you'd be praying for an update at the end saying that they nabbed the serial killer because of viewers like us.

so nighttime was completely horrifying to scottie. he & our other brother steven would lay in their separate beds in the room that they shared; steve would be slowly nodding off to sleep while scott had visions of the twin girls from the shining, standing in the middle of the bedroom saying, "come play with us scottie.. forever.. & ever.. & ever..." just as steve reached the edge of slumber, scott would whisper into the darkness, "steven?..."

and steve would answer, with slight annoyance, "yeah?"

"can i sleep with you?"

"no." & this exchange would happen a few more times, with steven's tolerance dwindling & scott's fear growing. eventually he would give up & quickly creep down the dimly lit hallway to the last bedroom. i would have my door ajar & my sheets turned back, ready for my little brother to climb in next to me. i would always let scottie sleep with me.. because, secretly, i was afraid too. even though i was only 10, & he was 5, & we would never be able to protect each other, it was reassuring to have his warm little body breathing softly next to me. all the demons that plagued my thoughts in the dark: like bad guys waiting outside my window or a small fire quickly growing to an inferno enveloping the entire house, would disappear because i wasn't alone anymore.

what it came down to at the end of the day, or sometimes in the middle of the night, is that we needed each other to bring us some kind of peace & comfort in a world that was otherwise unpredictable, & irrationally & at the same time, reasonably frightening.