I am praying again, Awesome One.
You hear me again, as words from the depths of me rush toward you in the wind.
I've been scattered in pieces, torn by conflict, mocked by laughter, washed down in drink.
In alleyways I sweep myself up out of garbage & broken glass. With my half-mouth I stammer you, who are eternal in your symmetry. I lift to you my half-hands in wordless beseeching, that I may find again the eyes with which I once beheld you.
I am a house gutted by fire where only the guilty sometimes sleep before the punishment that devours them hounds them out into the open.
I am a city by the sea sinking into a toxic tide. I am strange to myself, as though someone unknown had poisoned my mother as she carried me.
It's here in all the pieces of my shame that now I find myself again. I yearn to belong to something, to be contained in an all-embracing mind that sees me as a single thing. I yearn to be held in the great hands of your heart - oh let them take me now. Into them I place these fragments, my life, & you God - spend them however you want.
Rainer Maria Rilke
*this poem once helped me through a rough time in my life. It now reminds me of my brother's difficult life & his freedom from it. Praise God
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