elliott: #1

mike, harry & i had been on tour with mike's band in europe when my father in law, elliott was admitted to the bryn mawr hospital. before that, we had been gone for about a month circling the states. it was early june; harry wasn't even 4 months old yet. we hadn't been on tour since the previous august. the bus was newly painted, going from an old high school football eyesore from altus, georgia to a hand-painted hippie love mobile. it was parked outside our west philly house as the 9 of us, besides harry, scrambled to prepare for our first long drive of the journey to denver, colorado. we had to pack up the bus bays with the drums, guitars, amps, cabinets, & new merch designs. we had to make up our musky bunks with clean sheets, that never seemed to stay that way for very long, & stake out a place to secure our book bags without them being knocked over during the bumpy commutes. aaron was busy filling up the grease tank with the gallons of used vegetable oil that had been cluttering up our back porch for the past year. i was attempting to make sure i had everything i could possibly need for a 4 month old away from home for a month & a half: diapers, wipes, adequate clothing for cool & hot temperatures, teething toys, socks, & probably most important our passports.

my mom had been helping watch harry as mike & i prepared for the trip. bitsy, my mother in law, & elliott also came to say goodbye. i remember that elliott was particular irritable that day. with his bipolarism, you could never sure what kind of state he would be in from moment to moment. there were times that he would be so happy, or manic, laughing alone at something secret that you couldn't help but smile at his sweet gap toothed grin. but most times he was low, babbling incessantly about his ailments & conflicts with those who, he believed, disliked him. that day in june elliott was upset. maybe it was because his sons, particularly aaron who was living with him, was leaving. maybe it was because he wasn't feeling well; elliott wasn't it great health to begin with but had been complaining about his overall wellness for the few weeks prior. not long after arriving at our house, elliott was verbally objecting to being there. it didn't matter at what you told him; his mind was already made up. he reminded me of a child throwing a tantrum, & i was super annoyed. i couldn't understand why he couldn't enjoy his short time with us before being apart for 6 weeks. but i knew elliott. there was no reasoning with him. we briefly said goodbye before he lumbered down my front porch & into his car, impatiently waiting for bitsy to drive him the few miles down the road to his refuge.

on the road, elliott made sure to continue his daily phone calls. most times they were succinct, but sweet. he would call either mike or me (aaron didn't have a cell phone) & ask about each of us, & of course harry. if one of us wasn't feeling well, he would make sure to check in later in the day. sometimes he would say a prayer; sometimes he would complain about his breathing. but for the most part, elliott would call, ask how mike, aaron, harry & i were doing, & say goodbye. we hadn't realized how much his health had been deteriorating.

after 4 weeks on the road traversing across america, in early july we flew across the atlantic to spend 2 weeks touring europe. we didn't have phone access overseas so we didn't talk to elliott. i had emailed my mom & asked her to call him, because i knew he would be afraid for us. he was always nervous when we traveled internationally. when we toured across europe in 2003, elliott had xeroxed a map of the area & drew a thick, black line with a sharpie, marking where we could & couldn't go. when mike & i went to vietnam, he was irate with my dad, mom & me for dragging mike off to such a dangerous place. somehow we convinced him that the war had been over for decades & it had become a relatively safe vacation spot.

our flight back home had a layover in nyc. after rushing through customs & waiting to go through security, mike called his parents to ask if they would be willing to pick us up from the airport. you could immediately hear the concern in his voice as he spoke to his mom. aaron & i were eavesdropping, trying to make out through mike's questions what exactly was going on. aaron interrupted, tears in his eyes, "mike, is dad dead?" i was taken aback; i just figured our dog penny did something stupid, or maybe elliott was at the mental hospital again. mike silently shook his head & i exhaled, "god forbid." but when mike got off the phone he explained that elliott was in the hospital. he wasn't really sure of the specifics. i don't think any for us were ready for what we were flying home to.